(ON RADIO) And good morning, Dallas. Ron Chapman on KVIL.
We've got a gorgeous morning working outside.
Temperatures at 8:00 in the morning
standing already at 68 degrees outside.
We expect them to go up to, oh,
75 degrees sometime this afternoon...
(SHATTERS)
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Oh!
(GRUNTS)
(EXHALES)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(SCREAMING)
Get his ass out of there, Jo Bob! (LAUGHS)
I ain't touching no faggot!
Faggot! (ALL LAUGH)
Give me five!
Get out of there before you drown, asshole.
Get out of there. Let's go hunting.
I ain't going hunting.
What? Come on!
Let's kill something! Get up.
Come on. No! Get out of here!
Oh, come on, you goddamn...
We just want to kill a little something. Come on.
Yee-haw! (GUNSHOTS)
Ha! Damn!
See that old cow out there?
Want to see her run?
Oh, Christ, they're shooting at cows.
Hell, they're too drunk to hit anything. Don't worry about it.
Oh, man, they're just crazy.
(GUNSHOTS)
Oh, my God.
(SIGHS)
(LAUGHS)
Do you know something? Hmm?
JO BOB: O.W., did you see that?
I can't figure out how I dropped that turn-in.
It happens.
No, man, not to me it doesn't, you know?
Jesus Christ, you caught the game.
Let it pass, pal.
Relax. Enjoy yourself. It's a pretty day.
Man, I had that ball right in my hands.
I just couldn't hang on to the damn thing. (SIGHS)
John Henry, the man is just like you.
He's never satisfied.
(GUNSHOTS CONTINUE) (JO BOB AND O.W. LAUGH)
Hey, I'm going to dump these suckers up here.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Gee whiz, son!
God dang, the marines have landed!
(SHOUTS)
(BUGLE BLARES)
Come on out! Surrender, you suckers!
Ha!
Come on, O.W., go and fake them fuckers up.
Elliott, where's your gun, man?
Freud says that guns are an extension of your dingie, Jo Bob.
That son of a bitch.
(LAUGHS)
He's a regular wise-ass, you know that?
Hold up, O.W.
B.A. wants me in his office tomorrow.
Oh, yeah?
Must mean I'm going to start, huh?
I doubt that, poot.
What the hell do you mean? I made some great catches.
They can't keep me on the bench forever.
Son, you ain't never going to get off that bench
till you stop fighting them suckers.
You got to learn how to fool them, man.
Give them what they want.
I know. I've been fooling them bastards for years now.
For Christ's sake, man. If you start pretending to be somebody else,
that's what you're going to end up, being somebody else.
God damn it, if I didn't like you, boy,
if you didn't have such great pair of hands,
I'd keep my mouth shut and watch you go right down the tubes.
I'm going to tell you something for your own good.
You had better learn how to play the game.
And I don't just mean the game of football.
Hell, we're all whores, anyway.
We might as well be the best.
There's one! God, watch...
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Damn you, Jo Bob! You crazy son of a bitch!
Jesus Christ!
Why? We damn near got the bird. Didn't you see it?
I think we did get him. Jesus Christ!
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
ALL: (CHANTING) Go! Go! Go! Go!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
All right, let me have that TV right here.
There it is! (LAUGHS)
Thirteen. Look for thirteen.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Yep, I'd rather face Pittsburgh's defensive line
than one of Peter's parties.
(LAUGHS)
Somebody's got to do it, though. Right?
Hey, man, it's all yours. Go for it. Right.
Hey, big guy. How you doing? Good to see you.
How's it going? Good game, baby.
Tony, good game, my man.
Howdy, howdy.
Hey, Seth, great game, boy.
Hey, mama.
JO BOB: All right, sweetie,
come on, now give Jo Bob a nice kiss. Come on.
Hey, it's nice to be back, man.
JO BOB: All right, come on, come on!
Ah, goddamn!
Hey, Maxwell! Hey, Seth!
MAN: Hey, Phil.
Hey, Peter, where's that dolly you promised me?
Ooh, he's ripped tonight, ain't he?
Hey, Jo Bob, what are you going to do against
Alcie Weeks in Chicago?
You know what I mean? (LAUGHS) Crazy guy!
Know what I mean? Crazy guy.
Come here, come here. Oh.
Hey, Jo Bob, I got a great dolly for you.
She's last year's Miss Farm Implements.
Come on this way.
You should talk to her for five minutes.
She's from SMU, and she's almost a virgin.
Hey, doll, come on here.
Now, help him to relax, honey.
He needs, uh, understanding. (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Show 'em your finesse, Jo Bob! (LAUGHS)
Hey, Billie Joe!
(LAUGHS)
I've never seen titties like yours.
I swear to God, I never have.
They're... They're beautiful. They're...
Hey, Jo Bob, how you doing?
How you doing, Elliott?
Can I show your titties to my buddy O. W.?
Can I? Would you? All right?
O. W.! O. W.! Come over here!
(LAUGHS) Whoo!
Ooh, John Henry, don't get so excited.
We got all night. Who's John Henry?
(LAUGHS)
He's an old friend of mine. Ooh.
Hey, did you girls ever try a quarterback sandwich?
Sounds good to me.
Hey, Seth, I need to talk to you
about that condo deal down at Padre Island.
Not now. Not now, baby.
Hey, did you ever drink a pink poontang?
WOMAN: No. SETH: (LAUGHS) It'll get you high.
Hey, Phil. Phil.
Great catch, boy. Great catch.
Listen, I got some ostrich boots
and some lizard, and I'm going to get them for you
soon as I change my shirt.
Say, Alan, be with you in a minute.
Got to go change my shirt! (LAUGHS)
Hey, Phil. Oh, man, we were just leaving.
Hey, Eric. Hi, Susie. Hi.
Susie wants to get home
and put little Audrey to bed, you know, all that.
Yeah, and it's almost time for the Osmonds.
So, um...
Why don't you come over Wednesday night for dinner?
Yeah. Look, guy, why don't you come on over?
Fitch and his wife are coming.
Afterward, Susie's going to read some scripture, you know.
Uh...
Oh, man, maybe we'll all take turns or something.
Hmm. All right, I'll try hard. Okay?
Yeah. Okay.
All right. See what you can do.
All right, Sue. Come on. We got plenty.
Bye. See you later. Bye.
All right? All right? All right.
Hey, how you doing? Hey, Billy.
See you later.
Being a little hard on yourself, aren't you, Andy.
Yeah, I know. Yeah.
See that stewardess over there? Which one?
Oh, that one, over there.
Goddamn, does she get off on football?
Man, you know,
Allie got some tits from her the other night
just by showing her that little bruise on his calf!
The way I figure it,
if she's going to give up some tits
just by showing her a bruise, you know,
I mean, once she sees this blood here,
you know, she might give up the whole thing.
You know what I mean? Uh-huh.
Hey, Phil, I'd love to sit here
and talk to you, but I can't.
I got to test out Balford's theory of erotica.
Check you later, baby.
He's real intelligent, ain't he?
Oh, poor baby. You like that?
Oh. (KISSES)
Come on, Andy, I'm with her.
Andy, I'm with her, I said! (GLASS SHATTERS)
(ALL CLAMORING)
MAN: Why don't you just get in there
and just go ahead and kiss him?
It's nice to see there's a little romance left in the world.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
It's an old story, boy meets boy.
Well, I love happy endings.
Oh, really? Well, good.
Now we can sit back and wait for the real obscenities.
You mean it gets worse? (CHUCKLES)
It definitely gets different.
See, alcohol and fear makes for a good combination.
Fear? Mmm-hmm.
What are they afraid of?
Falling on their asses in Chicago.
Who are you, and what are you doing here?
Charlotte Calder, and I'm asking myself the same question.
Well, I'm Phil Elliott, and I'm supposed to be here
to take you away from all this.
Oh, yeah. See, I'm a very funny guy.
In fact, The newspapers call me "The team funnyman."
Well, obviously, you can't believe
everything you read.
I'm sorry.
I'm not very good at this small talk stuff.
In fact, I learned all my social graces from football coaches,
so, uh, why don't you just give me another try, huh?
Okay, team funnyman.
You've got fantastic eyes.
Hilarious.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Hey, man, quit pushing on me, man.
Put me down!
Why can't somebody stop him?
What, are you crazy?
Look at him.
No! Please. No! (SCREAMS) MAN: Put her down.
Come on, man. Come on.
MAN: Come on, man. WOMAN: Put me down.
Jo Bob's here to remind everybody
that the meanest and the biggest
get to make all the rules.
Well, I don't agree with that.
Agreement doesn't enter into it.
(WOMAN SOBS)
(SCREAMS)
Well, how can you tolerate that?
I make allowances, then I get ready, and I run like hell.
That's what I like. A man of courage.
Miss? My name's Jo Bob.
I just want to tell you...
CHARLOTTE: Will you please let me pass? JO BOB: I love your hair
and I love your nose. Lady... Let me go!
And I love your legs. Put me down.
You know I love your legs.
They got your feet on one end... Will you please put me down?
...and your pussy on the other, and I want to fuck you.
I'd really do this. You put me down!
CHARLOTTE: Will you let me go? Lady, come on now.
You be nice, all right. I'm going to be nice to you.
Oh, no. JO BOB: I promise you, I'm going to be nice
to you, understand? Come on. CHARLOTTE: Let me go!
JO BOB: I'm not going to let anybody take you away from me ever.
Will you please? What are you so fussy about, lady?
Jo Bob. (GROANS)
Piss off, Elliott.
Hey, come on back. (GASPS)
Hey, Seth! Seth!
Find something for Jo Bob to do with his hands, huh.
Hey, Jo Bob. Jo Bob.
I told you to piss off, Elliott.
Jo Bob, let her go.
(WOMEN GIGGLING) Shit!
(SCREAMS) Oh! (THUDS)
Bob, God damn it.
Who the fuck are you giving orders to? (CHOKES)
Jo Bob. Hey, Jo Bob, cool it!
I'm going to kill you.
Hey, man, he's just trying to keep that little dolly from raping you.
Come on, baby. Jo Bob.
Hey, hey, it's me. Seth! Come on, man. Relax.
It's a party. Come on, Jo Bob.
Calm down, baby.
JO BOB: Damn! Why is he always making fun of me, Seth?
CROWD: (CHANTING) Go! Go! Go! Go!
(CROWD CHEERING) (SCREAMS)
WOMAN: Hey, I know you. You had your chance.
What the hell are you trying to prove, man,
taking on Jo Bob over some chick?
Oh, for Christ's sake, Seth, shit.
Seemed like a good idea at the time, that's all.
A good idea?
I need Jo Bob, son.
(CLEARS THROAT) I want him up.
I want him feeling like he can climb
the Empire State Building if he has to.
(SIGHS)
Look, you may keep me on the sports page, man,
but he keeps me off the obituaries.
Where the hell would I be
with Jo Bob's confidence destroyed?
(SIGHS)
God damn it, son, what did she expect?
These girls know what happens at these parties.
That's why they come here.
She didn't seem like that to me.
(SIGHS)
SETH: Well, look, just lay off Jo Bob, all right?
I want you both at your best Monday night.
Oh, for Christ's sake, I didn't hurt Jo Bob.
Damn it, just quit aggravating him.
Let him have what he wants.
What he wants?
What about what I want?
He's a baby, for Christ's sake.
Don't put yourself on his level.
Rise above it.
Come on, man, let's go get in the pile.
Ah...
It's the same old pile, Seth.
Well, shit, I'm going to go get knee-deep in it, son.
Go ahead, partner.
See you tomorrow. Yep.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hi. Hello.
I'm glad to see that you're still alive.
Thanks for letting me run like hell. Uh-huh.
It's too bad I don't take my own advice. Yeah.
Can I come in?
Yeah.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Can I get you a drink?
Yeah, you got any whiskey?
I only have milk.
Yeah, I love milk. Good.
(SIGHS)
Nice place you got here. CHARLOTTE: Oh, thanks.
Are you married?
Was. Mmm.
Yeah, so was I.
Do you work?
No.
What's this, alimony?
No.
Oh.
You talk a lot, don't you?
No.
Hmm.
(EXHALES)
You look terrible.
(SCOFFS)
Thanks. That really builds up my confidence.
Why did you go to that party, anyhow?
I don't know. I thought it would be fun.
Obviously I made a mistake.
Hmm.
I'm tired. I'm really tired.
I'm sorry. I was lonely.
I just needed someone to talk to.
Well, you can't sleep here.
Oh, thanks for letting me sleep here.
(STUTTERS) I said you can't sleep here.
Hello?
Oh, shit.
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
(SNORING)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Hi, Peggy. Hi, Phil.
Yeah, I've got a meeting with B.A.
Yeah, just a minute. All right.
PEGGY: Phil Elliott's here.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
You know, Phil, there's not one damn corporation I own
that means as much to me right here
as my football team.
Come on.
That was a hell of a catch on Sunday.
That's just, uh, luck.
You know, Phil,
there's one thing I learned early on in life.
The most important thing a man can have.
Um, what's that? Money?
Luck.
Luck tells me something about a man.
You know, if my people are lucky, they tap into a big field.
If they're not, they can have every geology degree in the world
and drill one dry duster right after another.
Take me.
I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Sure as hell ain't brains, is it?
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
You know, Phil, there's always a place in our little family
for the right kind of man.
Mmm-hmm.
Now, Phil...
People who confuse brains and luck
can get in a whole lot of trouble.
Seeing through the game is not the same as winning the game.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Now to me, see, it's gotten to a point
where Phil's almost predictable.
I can know what he's going to do...
(DOOR OPENS)
Hey, Phil, how are you doing? Hey, Emmett.
Uh, B.A., I'm sorry I'm late.
Uh, listen, I was just thinking.
Why don't you all just stay here in my office and use it?
I got to see Connie anyway for a minute, okay? Okay. Yeah.
Thank you very much, Emmett. Well, see you.
See you later, Phil.
Mmm-hmm.
Sit down. Sit down.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Now, that's it, that's it, Phil.
That's what it all boils down to is your attitude.
And another thing, I know that you don't like sitting on the bench.
But you're a team member. You have to adjust to that.
Actually, I have known players
that got used to sitting on the bench, if that's possible.
It's not.
You're too proud?
I want you to listen to something.
The Apostle Paul,
in one of his letters to the Corinthians
said, "When I was a child, I thought as a child. I spake as a child.
"I understood as a child,
"but when I came to be a man,
"I put away childish things."
Hmm.
And there's a theme that runs through all this data, Phil.
It's immaturity, your immaturity.
You lack seriousness.
Well, I scored five TDs coming off the bench.
That's pretty serious.
You scored five TDs?
Don't you know that we worked for those?
We plan for them. We let you score those touchdowns.
B.A., I've always given you 100%.
100%!
You're talking about individual effort.
Yes, you do give that. I don't deny it.
But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about a team.
I'm talking about a winning team.
A winning team is 45 finely meshed gears
working together in perfect synchronization.
If one of those gears flies off on its own, I pull it.
And if that's not straight enough,
I'll say it in a different way.
If you want to play football for me, Mr. Elliott,
you have to change, starting right now.
(EXHALES)
B.A., I'm sorry if my immaturity has offended you,
and I'll honestly try to change.
(SIGHS) But I've been a starter for six years,
and it's hard to sit on the bench, but...
I'll wait my chance.
And when you do start me,
I'll make you glad you did.
I appreciate that, Phil.
Then we'll see.
Hey, Phil, how are you doing?
Hey, you know Joanne Rodney, don't you? Phil Elliott.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh. Wait a minute. What?
Ruth, you got that contract? RUTH: Oh, yes, sir.
I want you to see this. This is something
I'd like you to be interested in.
A little contract here for our number one draft choice,
wide receiver out of Lubbock.
Lubbock. Yeah. A real good one here.
So, I, uh...
Gosh, I guess next year this means you'll be...
Do you speak Canadian at all?
(SNICKERS)
Emmett, you've been running these guys at me for years.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Come on.
(GRUNTS)
Oh, God damn it, Joanne.
Oh, wait... Ow! God, that's my sore shoulder. Jesus.
Which one? That one.
The one you always hurt.
(MOANS)
Oh, Jesus, my knee.
(GRUNTS)
Your left knee?
No. What do you mean, my left knee?
You wouldn't know... You know...
Ah! Phil. (CHUCKLES)
What do you mean, "Phil"?
Come on now. Ow, ow!
Come on. Ow...
Oh, God.
You always hurt me, Jo.
(MOANS)
(SIGHS) Oh...
(MOANS)
(EXHALES)
B.A. wants me to adjust to sitting on the bench.
Hell, I'll die on the bench.
What's the sense of the team winning if I don't survive, huh?
You'll survive. (CHUCKLES)
Really?
You know what I'd do?
I'd pull for the other team so we'll get behind
and B.A. will have to put me in.
That's weird.
Why don't you just quit?
(SIGHS)
Well, what would I do that wouldn't be the same or worse?
Besides, it's the only thing I know how to do good.
It's the best hands in the league, you know?
Phil, do you love me?
(EXHALES)
Sort of.
What kind of an answer is that?
(SIGHS) Well...
It's the only kind of answer I know how to give
when somebody I really like needs to know the truth.
Hey, how long you been awake?
Couldn't sleep.
You know, you don't look too good.
Maybe you ought to take some vitamins.
I don't need a healthy body. (CHUCKLES)
I can do it all in my mind.
Yeah? Mmm-hmm.
I've been ignoring the fact that I'm falling apart.
Say, Joanne... Mmm-hmm.
Where's the pictures of yourself you cut out?
Hmm?
Well, that girl just doesn't exist anymore, Phil.
Oh, so Joanne Rodney doesn't exist anymore.
Well, in that case, it kind of looks like you.
Uh, what do you want for breakfast?
Well, I'm going to have whatever you're having.
Well, I'm having chocolate pudding.
Uh, wait a minute, Joanne.
Uh, wait a minute.
Listen, how about some bacon and eggs?
Don't have any bacon. How about some eggs?
Nope.
Toast? Ah! No butter.
No butter. Dry toast or chocolate pudding.
Well, I'm going to have chocolate pudding, then.
Mmm, I only have one.
But I'll share it with you.
Oh, really? Well, it's a great meal, then.
JOANNE: Let's go. All right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Come on, feed me.
Well, I'm going to do it.
Good, give me some more.
No, seriously. I'm really going to do it.
Do what?
Marry Emmett Hunter.
Come on, Joanne.
What do you want to marry Emmett for? He's nothing.
He's just going to screw up your life.
When I told him I wanted to keep the apartment, he said I could.
You'll come by and see me, won't you?
If I can.
Oh, get real.
(GRUNTS)
Mmm... Hey, cheer up.
Everybody gets married now and then.
Yeah, but I thought you'd draw the line at joining the family.
Yeah, me too.
Mmm-hmm.
But look at it like this...
With me in the Hunter family,
you won't have to learn to speak Canadian.
Phew!
(WHIRRING)
We boring you, Douglas?
You fall asleep again, it's $100 fine.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Okay, third and eight.
ALL: All right! All right!
(CHEERING)
The things I do for love.
No. No, shit. You should never have thrown to Elliott
with that kind of coverage.
Look at Delma, look at him there.
He's wide open.
I don't like this buddy-buddy stuff
interfering with my judgment.
Shit, you can't win for losing around here.
(ALL LAUGH)
Run it back, run it back.
(ALL LAUGH)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(ALL LAUGH)
MAN: That's it, Stallings. Real good.
Stallings, what were you thinking of here?
I'm... I'm not sure, sir.
You're not sure.
No, sir.
The entire game riding on this one series of downs,
and we have a player who's not sure.
There's no room in this business for uncertainty.
No room.
Oh, shit, here it comes.
Here's where you screwed up.
I didn't screw up. You changed the play.
I didn't change the play.
You brought it in there. I did not.
Well, just cover for me.
I'd like all of you to watch this next play carefully.
Especially you.
B.A.: Especially you, Elliott.
MAN 1: Oh, man. Oh, here it is.
Great catch. Great catch.
MAN 2: Yeah! All right! (CHEERING)
Whoo! All right!
(ALL CHEERING)
Now, Elliott,
how would you describe this play?
(SIGHS)
Well...
I'd say we scored a touchdown.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, you think it's funny?
Well, I fail to see any humor at all.
Maxwell changed the play that I sent in,
Elliott broke his pattern,
and the catch was a fluke.
There's no room for flukes in winning game plans.
Why do you think that we go over and over
the printouts of a game plan?
Because deviating from that plan
can cost us a championship.
Now, if there's some of you
not interested in being champions,
why, then, you laugh.
Relax. Have a good time.
But you'll do it on somebody else's football team,
not mine.
The key to being a professional
is consistency,
and the computer measures that quality.
No one of you is as good as that computer.
I hope I'm understood.
Now, everybody on the bus in 10 minutes.
Ah, except you, Stallings.
I'd like a word with you in private, please.
MAN: All right, come on, let's move.
Get your gear together.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Hey, let me have those shoes.
That's cold, man. Hey, baby.
Do you believe they cut Stallings?
Who's Stallings?
Runners run past 49 right.
Sounds real boring.
Look at it. All right, I'm looking.
Got it? Got it. Yeah, man.
On two. Ready? Break! Move.
MAN: 4-3, number two zone. Ready? ALL: Break!
Strong left! ALL: Left!
Right back swing guy. I got it. I got it.
Set... Hike!
SETH: Come on, you...
MAN: Pass! Coming in! Coming in!
(CHEERING)
Whoo!
Douglas, the reason we drafted you
was because they said you were fast and smart.
At this point, I'd be delighted
if you'd be at least one of those things!
Yes, sir.
Carney, get in here for Douglas.
Huddle up, huddle up. Let's go.
Back in the huddle!
Hey, Douglas,
isn't this the kind of day
you'd rather be by a fire with a good book?
Fuck you, faggot.
Promises, promises.
(MEN YELLING)
PLAYER: Pass! Stop.
All right.
(PLAYERS CHEERING)
How's an old fart like me supposed to keep up
with a dedicated young Christian stud like Hartman?
It's discouraging.
Well, it's like you told me, Seth...
You got to cheat.
I wrote the book on that. I believe that.
Elliott! Get your ass in here!
Coming, boss.
Red, right, 74.
You're going to get yourself a fine, Jo Bob.
It's worth it.
You got it? Yes, sir.
On three. Ready? ALL: Break!
Round left, round left.
Check!
MAN: Check. Cover 2, cover 2.
2-49! 2-49!
Check! 2-76!
2-76!
Hut! Hut!
Hut!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Ow! Whoo!
Oh, God damn it! God damn it! You all right?
Ah! MAN: Here, hold it.
PHILLIP: Oh, God damn it!
Pull them out. Jesus Christ.
Don't move, don't move.
Pull it!
(GROANS)
You all right?
Which one? Christ, which do you think?
Elliott!
That's what comes from not concentrating.
Yes, sir.
Amazed at how these young fellows
can take the punishment of their profession.
Hello, Monsignor.
Oh, hello, Phil.
You're a very brave young man.
That's real devotion.
You remind me of the magnificent missionaries of history.
Never thought of that, Monsignor.
Come on, Elliott, stop dogging it!
That's fine.
All right, I want you to run this here Chicago pass pattern.
Red-right-74.
Look at it.
All right, here we go. Here we go. On two, on two.
Ready? Break!
Come on, snap it up!
Elliott, get in there!
Left!
Set!
Red-left, red-left. Hold it!
Carney, get in there!
B.A.: No!
Put Douglas in, please.
Carney, get the hell out of there!
Let's go. Here we go. Come on.
Set!
2-75!
Check!
2-72!
Hartman, Hartman, let's just get the ball snapped!
You're giving me a fucking headache!
MAN 1: Rookies. MAN 2: Down.
All right, let's go.
A bunch of high schools.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
Are you all right, man?
Hey, Phil, you all right?
(SNIFFS)
You okay?
Yeah, I'm all right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Help me up.
There's your hat, man.
Nice catch. Yeah.
Now, that's concentration, Elliott.
Feels pretty swollen.
Let's work that knee.
God damn it, Eddie, it's not the knee.
Hey, it's my shoulder. I hit my shoulder when I hit the gym floor.
It feels like it's full of gravel.
Well, it's always felt like it was full of gravel.
Now, come on. Give me a B-12 shot. That's what I want.
Always messing with my knee.
How you doing, baby?
All right, Del. You going to get a shot?
Oh. No shots for me, turkey.
I can't stand needles.
Hey, you got to master the technology of this game.
Phil, how do you do that? Take all those pills and shots, man.
Does terrible things to your body. God!
If you last long enough, you'll realize the only way to survive
is the pills and the shots.
Not me, turkey.
I got respect for my body.
You'll get past that.
You're crazy, too.
Eddie, I'd appreciate it
if you could finish up here with butterfingers
and give me my B-12 shot 'cause I got an important business meeting.
You might like to know, Elliott,
that I found myself two old boys from Oklahoma
who wanna invest in my restaurant business.
Oklahoma? That's right.
That figures.
You see, once the first one starts making money,
then you sell franchises.
And that's where the big money is.
Oh, yeah. What are you gonna call the restaurants?
Jo Bob's Fine Foods. Do you like it?
Jo bob's... That's right.
Jo Bob's Fine Foods. Right!
Eat here, or I'll kill you.
(LAUGHS)
You son of a bitch.
Hey! Come on! Hold it!
Jo bob, we're not gonna have trouble in here, I mean it.
(ALL SHOUTING)
Get over to your meeting!
Jo Bob, you go on to your meeting now!
You goddamn bird turd!
Jo Bob, you get out of here, or I'll report you to B.A.
You would?
You bet your ass. You're chicken shit.
Get out of my face, Monroe.
It always did take two of you
to hold one of me.
Excuse me.
Too damn much B-12.
(DOOR CREAKS)
(WIND BLOWING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Back off, asshole. I ain't moving!
Back off! I ain't moving!
(MAN RUNS INTO DISTANCE)
(SNORING)
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Jesus God almighty!
Damn! Shit!
God!
It's the tooth fairy.
Fuck you, tooth fairy.
Holy shit, I hope I don't look as bad as you look, man.
(GRUNTS)
You make me look like Cinderella, asshole.
If I had a dog like you,
I'd shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
Hey, old doc Elliott's gonna take care of us.
It's time to break into the old medicine cabinet, Seth, boy.
How's your elbow? God damn it, Elliott.
You know, Eddie's gonna get your ass for this.
Hell, he didn't even do nothing to you.
Hell, I ain't the one that's doing it.
Yeah, but you're gonna take some. That makes you an accomplice.
They turn me in, they gotta turn you in, and they won't do that.
That's 'cause I'm a star. (GRUNTS)
A genuine sports personality
and legendary folk hero.
Folk hero, have some dexedrine.
Don't mind if I do. A little compazine.
All right. Would you like codeine?
Does a shark shit in the sea?
Come on, give me some of this.
One for me.
Whoops. Breakfast of champions there.
Ah...
Nectar of the gods. Yes.
(SIGHS)
You know something?
You're the only guy I know that's got an uglier body than mine.
That's bullshit.
John Henry, why do we abuse ourselves this way?
Hey, Seth...
Have you... Have you ever loved anybody?
You know, loved somebody.
Aw, last night.
All-time showstopper, son.
I don't want to hear this.
All-time showstopper.
I don't want to hear it.
You know Jerry Drake? Drake?
Big tex automotive supply? Oh, I know that asshole, yeah.
Well, it was his YMCA team
that me and Hartman had to talk to last night.
I gave them my usual bullshit, you know,
football, character development, all that crap.
Hartman comes up with this story
about Jesus being captain of a football team.
(LAUGHS)
And the apostles each played different positions, right?
Whoo!
And Judas was the coach. Nope, Judas was the one
that sold the playbook to the devil's team.
Oh, my God.
Now, wait till you hear this part.
Afterwards, Drake invites me and Hartman up to his house for a drink.
Now, I got the wheels,
so Hartman's stuck with me, right?
Anyway, here's the point.
It turns out Drake wants to watch
while me and Hartman do nasty things
to his bouncy-bottomed little wife.
Aw, Maxwell. Really.
Hey, I know, I know. It's not your type of thing.
But I happen to be more of a philosopher.
I like to mingle with the little people.
What about Hartman?
Well, you know Hartman. Goody-two-shoes just fidgeting around
like a one-legged cat trying to bury shit on a frozen pond,
until old Seth fixes him a couple of pink poontang specials.
You know, that crazy tourist drink that I fix for stewardesses?
Two shots out of that,
and Hartman is shot to shit, freaked out.
I mean, I never saw a guy having so much fun
and crying at the same time.
I don't believe a word it, but I'm getting horny.
Aha. Now wait till you get to this part.
Drake now takes out a bunch of them fake dicks...
Ah, Max, that's gross!
It's not gross.
Shit, gross is when you go and kiss your grandpa good night,
and he sticks his tongue down your throat. That's gross.
Anyway, he's got one, man, that is about 8 inches long, and it's pink,
and it's got little crinkleties in it,
and it's got a grinder that you turn like this,
and it goes in and out...
Oh, I don't wanna hear any of this. I don't wanna hear no more of this.
Wait, man. I'm just getting to the weird part.
The weird part? The weird part?
Yeah, it gets weird.
Okay, who did it? He did it.
Is that right, Seth? Did what?
The medicine cabinet!
If B.A. finds out about it, it's gonna be somebody's ass.
Your water's too hot. Hey, Eddie, calm down.
The poor man here was desperate.
Think of it as an emergency.
Yeah, and I suppose you just stood there and watched.
No, he held me down, massaged my throat,
and made me swallow 'em.
Listen, this shit has got to stop.
And leave my goddamn beer alone!
And, Elliott, don't you piss in there!
Ah.
Bastard.
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
Did I call my wife last night?
I don't think so, son.
Oh...
What do I tell her? Hey, Art, tell her that you escaped,
and you don't have to pay the ransom.
I can't tell her that.
(LAUGHS)
Look, son, listen up to me, man.
Dream up the wildest thing you can think of, and lay it on her.
I guarantee she'll go for it, coming from you.
Yeah? I'm right.
Why do I smell like strawberries?
What'd you do last night, poot?
(GROANS)
Come on, what'd you do?
Well, I'll tell you.
I had a date with Charlotte.
Oh, shit, man.
I hope you're not getting hooked on that chick.
Breaks your concentration.
Well, I'll tell you something, old buddy.
The only thing I haven't broken is my concentration.
Why do we do it, partner?
Well, the only way to find that out, man,
is to quit.
You're not thinking about quitting.
I'm thinking I'm tired of beating myself up.
Don't worry.
You'll get tired of thinking.
Coca-Cola, poot.
Hey, Seth, Seth. Throw me an RC, Seth.
Ooh!
Seth...
She believed me. Well, of course she believed you, Art.
Who wouldn't believe you, partner?
Yeah, but I'm... You did the right thing, son.
Lying can be really good for a relationship.
Hey, Art.
Welcome to the big leagues.
(ALL LAUGH)
(GROANS)
You know, I'm beginning to like the pain.
Huh?
Remember when I busted my elbow?
Oh, yeah.
I knew it was dislocated the second it happened, man.
But when I was laying there, yelling, flopping all over the field
in front of all those people,
you know what I felt?
Oh.
Satisfaction.
Yeah. I mean,
it made me feel like I was doing something important, you know?
Yeah.
When the pain got the worst,
that's when I felt the most...
Secure. Yeah.
I hear you, I hear you.
The answer is no.
No, what?
I ain't never loved nobody.
(PHIL GRUNTING)
Oh!
(GROANS)
Oh, God.
(CROWD ROARS)
Good morning.
Did you sleep well?
(SIGHS)
Yeah, I slept great.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Settle down and listen up.
I want some asses kicked this week.
Douglas, that's $100 fine for being late.
I want you guys to study the Chicago team tendencies.
If you ain't ready by Monday night,
they're gonna run down your throats and out your assholes.
ALL: Ooh!
Oh, yeah, and there'll be a written test on Friday
on these tendencies.
(ALL GROANING)
Coach.
Those of you whose names appeared on the bulletin board
are invited to Mr. Hunter's home tomorrow
to help Conrad, Jr. celebrate his birthday.
Be there at 12:00 sharp,
appropriately dressed.
Now, before we break into our separate groups,
there are a few general comments which I am obliged to make, gentlemen.
We won a game Sunday
against an opponent measurably and on paper inferior to ours.
In doing so,
we managed to play far below our potential.
Our punting team gave them 4.5 yards per kick,
more than our reasonable goal,
and 9.9 yards more than outstanding.
That's not the kind of football
that conference champions play.
Offense, four turnovers.
Five scoring opportunities blown.
Third down conversions, we failed six times more than our seasonal average.
Pass completions were 49%.
That's 6.3% less than reasonable,
and it's 19% less than our outstanding.
That is a negative 19% against Seattle!
Now, clearly, it's time for us
to take a long, hard look at ourselves,
and in this connection, Coach Johnson has prepared some material
which I trust will be beneficial to you.
Johnson.
Thank you, Coach.
Now, listen, you guys,
if we can take an extra moment here, I'd like to read something that
B.A. thinks is pretty important.
Now, when I was playing college ball at Maryland,
I found this taped to a locker.
I think you'll understand what it means.
It means he's out of his fucking mind.
(ALL LAUGHING)
It means that the difference between good and great
is that much.
It's the same size as his pecker. (SNICKERING)
COACH JOHNSON: It comes from right up here.
(COUGHS)
Something wrong, Elliott?
No.
No, sir, I just have something caught in my throat.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I can't think of anyone that can use this advice better than you can.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me, Coach Johnson.
Thank you.
"If you think you can't win, you won't."
Right.
COACH JOHNSON: "If you think you're losing,
"you've lost." All right!
"If you refuse to strive to the limit,
"the limit's as far as you'll go."
DELMA: That's right, sir. "If you give in to the fear and pain..."
Talk about the pain.
Oh, why don't you shut up, Delma? This ain't exactly no revival meeting.
Do you want something with me, Monroe?
All right, cut it out, you guys!
I'm sorry, Coach.
I couldn't... Go ahead, sir.
"If you give in to the fear and pain,
"there are thrills you'll never know."
That's right.
"We have all been put here by God
"as a test of our courage and faith.
"The rewards to his warriors are many.
"The rewards to the losers, disgrace.
"Some say winning's not everything,
"that competition has a limited place.
"But if that cowardly slogan is true,
"why did God name this
"the human race?"
Good question.
Coach, would it be okay
if Jo Bob and I had a couple copies of that poem?
JO BOB: Yeah, we'd appreciate that, Coach Johnson.
That has to be one of the most inspiring poems I ever heard, sir.
(MEN SNICKERING)
Yeah, I'd like one, too, Coach.
MAN: (MOCKING) Yeah, me, too, Coach.
Little brown nose.
(KISSING NOISE) Pussy.
ALL: One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
Hold it!
Now, we count during this drill, Elliott,
and you didn't count!
We're gonna do it over again,
and you can thank Elliott for the extra work. (ALL GROAN)
ALL: (CHANTING) Phil, Phil, Phil.
All right, knock that shit off! Let's go!
All right, let's finish up with 10 jumping jacks.
Ready? Exercise.
ALL: One, two, three, four, five
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
(ALL CHEERING)
All right, let's break up into your groups.
I wasn't really counting. I was just moving my lips.
You son of a bitch!
MAN: Good practice. Now, let's go.
Let's go, Elliot. Let's see if you can catch one.
Look at Phil. Come on.
About time you caught one.
Scott, how are you? Hey, Horace, how are you doing?
Hey, Emmett, how are you? Hi, Horace.
Thanks for inviting me.
Yeah. I was sorry to hear about your daddy.
Well, thank you, Con.
That's the only fight he ever lost.
When a man of your daddy's wealth dies of cancer,
you know they haven't found a cure.
MAN: Let's go!
Come on. Come on, Delma.
(GROANS)
Come on, I'll tell you when you're hurt.
Easy, easy, easy. What is it? Hamstring.
Let's go. Come on. It's my hamstring. Shit!
Did you feel it tear? No. I heard it pop.
All right, take him inside. Give me a hand.
Easy. I seen better hands on a clock.
Let's go. Oh, shit.
Back to the tub again, huh, Delma?
All right, let's go to team drills, Chicago defense.
Elliott, get back with the first unit.
You know, if you were moving any slower, you'd be going backwards.
Very funny, Elliott. Very funny.
And just one more game, and we take our division.
That's what makes it all worthwhile.
Christ, Con, you make more in your manufacturing division in one week
than this goddamn football team makes in one year,
even if they do win.
Well, that's true,
but my manufacturing division never got the cover of Time magazine.
I'm going all the way this year, Horace. The big one.
Super Bowl. No question about it.
And money ain't everything anyway, Horace.
What are you talking about?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Tell him, Emmett. (LAUGHS)
It's either pulled or torn. We'll know more tomorrow.
Can you get him ready for Monday?
Set!
Hut! (ALL GRUNTING)
All right. Next play. Next play. Come on.
Break it up. Come on, Jo Bob. Shit!
MAN: Hang on, hang on, Monroe.
Give Jo Bob some work in there. Full speed.
3-22.
Hut! Hut! (ALL GRUNTING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
You son of a bitch!
Goddamn, Jo Bob, is that how you're gonna hit on Alcie Weeks when we get to Chicago?
God damn it, Coach!
We're supposed to be doing this thing half speed!
I don't wanna hear excuses,
I just want you to get results.
Now, if you ain't ready, we're just gonna tear off your head and crap in your neck.
All right, same play. Let's go!
MAN: 3-22.
Asshole.
3-22.
Hut! (ALL GRUNTING)
COACH JOHNSON: Jo Bob, get your head out of your ass!
If you don't think you can do this drill... Son of a bitch.
...we'll bring it up to full speed.
I know all your teammates would love a live scrimmage.
Now let's do it again and do it right!
Get your fucking ass back on the line, Marco.
Fuck you, asshole.
COACH JOHNSON: Come on, huddle up.
You cocksucker.
Your mama was the best teacher.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Ooh! They're fired up now.
Oh, yeah. They're gonna ream Chicago.
(ALL SHOUTING)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
That's enough.
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
Okay. Break it up.
Break it up. Come on.
Break it up!
Okay, okay. B.A.: All right, gentlemen.
All right.
Everyone at the airport at 10:00 a.m., tomorrow.
MAN: All right, we'll be ready.
Come on, good workout, man, good workout.
Elliott, I'd like to see you over here in a minute, please.
Walk with me, Phil.
How's the knee?
Oh, it's great. Feels real good.
You're limping. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, well, that's just habit, but, uh, feels good.
Uh-huh.
Phil, I'm gonna need you in Chicago.
Delma's pulled his hamstring again,
and you know Delma.
He can't stand pain.
He'll say it hurts too much,
but he doesn't like to use the needles.
So...
Can I count on you, Phil, and your knee,
for the entire game?
B.A., you can always count on me
to do whatever it takes to play.
Hell, I love needles.
I guess that's what we call maturity.
Huh?
(YELLS)
It's beautiful.
Yeah, really...
Really beautiful.
Come on. Let's go into the house.
Okay.
Into the living room. Ah, through the wall.
Yeah.
All right. Now...
Uh... Um...
Uh... This is as far as I've got.
How long did it take you to get this far?
Oh, about, uh...
Three years.
(SIGHS)
Anyway, I got 20 acres,
and it runs along that gully,
and it goes back in that valley.
Oh, God, it's magnificent.
Yeah, and that's where I'm gonna have the horses.
I think you should finish it, though.
I am gonna finish it.
Ta-da!
Made with my own fair hands.
Oh, great. I got the wine.
I got the salad. Okay. Excuse me.
Well, excuse me.
I need all the room here.
You've got all the room. Ow.
Listen, what are we gonna do about napkins?
Here. Use toilet paper. It's cheap.
Oh, chic, chic.
Listen, uh...
Do you think this, uh, raising horses is just a dream of mine?
I don't know. Maybe.
It doesn't seem very real.
Yeah?
Come on.
Hey, you like burned steak?
Oh.
Hey, you know something?
When I'm with you, my mind's a million miles away from football.
I feel free.
Sounds like you're tired of football.
Well, if I was, I wouldn't admit it.
That would scare the hell out of me.
Here, you want some wine?
Yeah.
I'm scared to death most of the time anyhow.
Scared of what?
I don't know, of injury, of playing badly,
anything that can knock me out of the game.
You don't act like it.
Yeah. I don't dare.
You know, someday you will be out of it.
Then what?
Oh, come on, Charlotte, that's serious. I'm having a nice...
I don't want to get into that.
For Christ's sake, come on. Let's don't talk about football.
I'm gonna start Monday.
Everything in my life's just great.
We got any butter?
Well, I don't think it's great.
You know, I saw you the other night.
You were in so much pain you couldn't sleep.
Your body's twisted and scarred.
You're drugging yourself.
Hey, listen, that's just part of the game, Charlotte.
Game?
You call men smashing each other a game?
Oh, for Christ's sake!
You can't judge!
You live in a little house secure with your Texas money.
What the hell do you know about it?
You live in an unreal world!
If football's the real world, I don't want any part of it!
It scares me.
Well, good. It's not your life.
It's mine.
Come on, let's eat.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Why don't you build your ranch instead of dreaming about it?
Yeah, well, maybe I like it better as a fantasy.
The payments are lower.
And you accuse me of living in a dream world?
For Christ's sake, Charlotte.
Now, look, I got to keep my mind in the game.
I don't want to get confused now,
so drop it!
Why don't you watch the game?
I'll do something special for you in Chicago.
PHILLIP: Hey, Eddie, give me a match, will you?
Hey, Phil, what's happening?
What are you doing here early, man?
Oh, man, I got butterflies. I couldn't sit around the hotel, man.
I had to get out of there.
Where in the hell is Jo Bob and O.W.?
I don't know, man. They were in a cab right behind me.
I done told you boys when you got special taping to do,
you gotta get down to the stadium early.
Well, maybe I ought to start getting here the night before.
(LAUGHS)
Come on, Frank! What are you doing?
We got an important ball game.
You tape my left ankle first.
You trying to put the hex on me?
You old fart.
I'll tape that knee after the doctor checks it.
Yeah.
You don't look healthy at all. Yeah, I know.
Yeah. I hurt myself.
Catch you later.
All right. Have a good ball game.
Yeah. You, too.
Oh, yeah.
(GRUNTS)
Jo Bob, this is it, babe.
This is what we want.
And what are we gonna do?
We are gonna kick their butts.
What are we gonna do? We know how to kick their butts.
How are we gonna do it? We're gonna do it very roughly.
We're gonna do it. No respect.
We're gonna do it.
We're gonna get 'em. We're gonna get 'em. Yes. Yes.
Weeks all there. Weeks all there.
I mean Weeks now. Where's my locker?
Come on. Get your junk on, babe.
Ah. Hello, Phil. What is it?
It's the knee. Knee, huh? Let's have a look.
Tell me when.
(GROANS) Uh... Ah-ha-ha-ha.
"X" marks the spot. Ow!
Hey, baby, you gonna make it tonight?
I don't think so.
We need you, man.
Yeah. Frank, can I get this hot packed?
Yeah, you got it, babe.
Hey, is this it? Here?
Yeah, that's it.
Hold on.
Come on, Delma, lift it up.
No? Tell him.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Okay.
Okay, here we go then.
Ooh, Jesus.
No, wait. Wait a second.
Just wait a second.
Say when. All right. Not yet.
God damn it! Jesus, it burns.
(GROANS)
Goddamn.
You won't feel a thing. Christ, how often do you put this shit
in the coaches' hearts?
Ah...
There.
(SIGHS)
Now, that wasn't bad, was it?
Oh, no. I loved it.
(LAUGHS)
Stand on it now. Try it.
(GRUNTS)
How does it feel?
Ah, it's numb.
Good. Good.
It's a brand-new knee, Doc. (LAUGHING)
Better football through chemistry, huh?
Hey, Delma, using the heat, huh?
You must be feeling better.
No, Coach, it feels real bad.
And I don't think I can make it.
Ah, come on, Delma. You saw Elliott.
He was hurting, too,
but he has the guts to do what it takes when we need him.
If I shoot up, I could hurt myself real bad.
I don't mess with needles.
You don't feel anything.
I could tear my hamstring to bits.
God damn it, isn't it time you thought about the team?
Now, you listen, Delma.
You can't make it in this league if you don't know the difference
between pain and injury.
Hey...
I'm just trying to help.
Fuck it.
Come on, you guys, stop playing grab-ass and get ready.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Shit, I want to hit somebody! Give me some of that.
Hit somebody!
Goddamn, Monroe, save it for the field.
I want to hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! (GRUNTING)
Here, give me some, too, man.
That's good.
Okay, when Weeks starts looping over the middle, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna stay at home.
Okay, there's no problem there.
That's right. Okay.
Jo Bob, you know who that is?
(SPITS)
That's Alcie Weeks, baby.
He's ugly.
He's the ugliest man I ever seen,
and I don't want none of his ugly rubbing off on my pretty face.
All right.
I want you to knock his cock in his watch pocket, Jo Bob.
All right.
I want him walking on his elbows
in the morning, Jo Bob. He will.
What are you gonna do to him, Jo Bob?
Come on, eat him up.
That's right, eat him up.
All night long.
All night long, Jo Bob,
you'll be eating his stuff right up,
just like white on rice.
You're gonna be sticking to him, Jo Bob.
If he does any of that fancy loops,
any of that kind of stuff. I'm gonna get him.
We're gonna do it. That's right.
All night long, Jo Bob.
They say he's the best?
He ain't the best. He's nothing.
You can be the best, baby.
You are the best. I'm gonna get him.
It's time to get down. I'm gonna get him.
It's time to get down. Yeah.
Let's pad up now. You want to pad up? Yeah.
Let's go. Let's get him.
Let's get ready now. All right.
You ready? Let's go pad up, baby.
Where's my locker? It's right behind you.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Hey, Hartman, while you're at it,
why don't you ask the man about the point spread?
Pussy.
(GRUNTING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
Well, all right. No wonder they call it the windy city.
Hey, baby. Cool.
Come on, honey, save some for the party.
You got a face like a baby's butt.
Thank you, Seth. Beautiful.
PLAYER: Fuck it!
Tell you what.
This time I'm gonna get the bastard with this. All right.
Mother clotheslined me last time.
I'm gonna tear his ass up.
I lost four fucking teeth, four teeth.
I'm gonna tear his ass up.
(EXHALES)
Ten minutes! Ten minutes!
You ready, babe?
Alan, I can't fumble, man.
You saw what they did to Stallings. Hey...
You'll be all right, okay?
Give me a hit.
Ready?
Thank you.
(EXHALES)
Can't fumble.
Can't fumble football.
Hey! All right. Have a good game.
All right? All right, all right.
Let's go, Jo Bob. Let's get 'em.
Let's go, babe.
How's that, Mark?
Little more air, Keith.
Hey, why don't you pump up his ass
and blow his brains out? Up yours, asshole.
Oh, fuck you.
Five minutes!
How long, Coach? Five... Fuck you!
All right, settle down.
Listen up.
Out with the cigarettes.
Coach.
Just one reminder, gentlemen.
Please remember to take off your helmets
when they play the national anthem.
Also remember you're on national TV,
so don't pick your noses or scratch your nuts.
Excuse me, Coach Johnson.
Mr. Hunter would like to say a few words to you now.
Thank you, B.A.
Men...
I want you to win this game
for our fans, for Dallas,
for me and my little brother.
Not necessarily in that order.
(LAUGHING)
Now, if we win this game,
you're all invited to spend a weekend
with your wives and families
at my private island in the Caribbean.
Bullshit.
And remember,
the eyes of Texas are on you.
(ALL WHISTLING)
Knock that shit off!
(WHISTLING STOPS)
Monsignor.
Dear Lord, I ask your blessing on these brave boys
as they venture out to battle.
Take off your fucking hats!
Sorry, Monsignor.
We ask not for victory,
not for glory,
not for fame.
We ask only for the preservation
of our bodies
and of our minds.
Bless also the entire Hunter family
who have so unselfishly given us
everything we need for victory,
except our efforts
in the spirit of sportsmanship,
with thy guidance,
thy kingdom, power, and glory for evermore.
Amen. ALL: Amen.
Let's go kill those cocksuckers!
(ALL YELLING)
Elliott? Yeah?
I'm starting Delma, but you stay up.
Be ready when I need you.
He said he's starting Delma. I heard.
Yeah, but I thought... I can't worry about that right now, poot.
You just be ready.
(CROWD CHEERING)
SPORTSCASTER 1: With less than two minutes left in the game
this might be it for North Dallas.
Chicago leading 14-7.
North Dallas is on the Chicago 25.
First and 10.
SPORTSCASTER 2: This is nail-biting time for the fans.
But it is suck-it-up time for the players
because they have to score on this drive.
SPORTSCASTER 1: Seth Maxwell fakes. Hands off instead to Andy Belford
and Belford is stacked up for a three-yard loss
by Alice Weeks.
Boy, they haven't kept Weeks out of there all night.
SPORTSCASTER 2: He has been in that backfield all day.
They should give him a uniform the way he plays
in the North Dallas backfield.
SPORTSCASTER 1: It'll be a 3-yard loss back to the 28 yard line.
The clock is running. I wonder what they're saying
as far as strategy is concerned right now in that North Dallas huddle.
Jo Bob, we need to get through "Titty Block" and Weeks.
Why don't you hit the fucker, huh?
Why don't you go and fuck yourself?
You just stay here on the ball, Balford,
we'll take care of up front.
Fuck you, psycho.
Just try to get that fucking ball across the line of scrimmage, asshole!
(ALL SHOUTING)
Shut the fuck up!
Nobody talks in this fucking huddle except me.
Jo Bob, O.W., God damn it,
I cannot throw the football with these guys
hanging all over my ass. Yes, sir.
Fitch, I want a wing-quick-burst.
All right? Red-right-76 on two.
Ready? ALL: Break!
Weeks, I'm gonna get your ass this time.
I'm fucking going to kill you, cocksucker.
Come on, Jo Bob.
Hey, Jo Bob.
You're looking lousy.
You're getting old. I hate to do it,
but I'm gonna put your dick all in the dirt.
SETH: Set!
4-48.
Hut! Hut!
SPORTSCASTER 1: Maxwell's in a shotgun formation on seven and 13 from the 28.
He fades to pass...
What a rush by Weeks, who dumps him.
The pass is off, though.
Fitch, streaking down the middle, is in the open.
Drop it.
And the pass is no good.
Come on, Fitch! Concentrate!
Are you okay, baby?
Hey, Weeks!
SPORTSCASTER 1: The clock is stopped and now an altercation
breaks out on the field (CLAMORING)
among a couple of the linemen.
SPORTSCASTER 2: I can understand why tempers are a little hot right now,
because the game's winding down to an end.
And this is the season for them.
SPORTSCASTER 1: Maxwell's asking for a time out
although the incomplete pass has stopped the clock.
We've got less than a minute to play.
Maxwell coming to the sideline to talk to his coach.
And you have to think right now that Chicago
will drop back on defense
and be in a prevent defense
because it appears that North Dallas to win this ball game
will have to keep it in the air.
SPORTSCASTER 2: This is also the last time out that North Dallas has.
So they're probably trying to come up with some strategy
that will allow them to run 3 or 4 plays in a row.
They have very little time left if they're going to score.
SPORTSCASTER 1: Maxwell is signaling to Phil Elliott.
I think, Elliott's going to come into the ball game as one of the receivers.
SPORTSCASTER 2: And I'll go with Elliott and Huddle as the wide receivers.
And of course, like we said, we're going to look for some pass plays...
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Hey, if he comes in, then I want something special for him.
Having fun, boys?
Blow it up your asshole.
How's the leg, Del?
Like your knee. I can't feel anything. Yeah.
All right, huddle up!
God damn it, Jo Bob, I ain't losing this game.
I'm tired of Weeks sitting in my goddamn face all night.
But I hurt, Seth.
I hurt bad.
I don't give a shit. We all hurt.
All right, let's trap the son of a bitch.
O.W., Jo Bob, break his fucking leg if you have to.
I want him out of there. (GRUNTING)
All right? Green-right-c-motion.
41-trap-delay on three.
Ready? ALL: Break!
SPORTSCASTER 1: Maxwell, brings them out of the huddle.
And you know Chicago's gonna be coming on this play.
SPORTSCASTER 2: We'll see if they've come up with a good play here.
I wonder if Maxwell called it or if the coach called that one over on the sideline.
SPORTSCASTER 1: Huddle lines up on the left
and Maxwell down under center.
The clock does not start now, until the snap of the ball.
Huddle's in motion to the right.
Back to pass is Maxwell.
It's a draw play ball fake.
(SCREAMING)
(WHISTLE BLOW)
JO BOB: Suck on that, Weeks!
SPORTSCASTER 2: Alcie Weeks, the big defensive tackle for Chicago is down.
It looks like he's holding his right knee. This could be a serious blow
to the Marauders' chances if he is out of the game.
SPORTSCASTER 1: North Dallas not only gets a first down,
the clock is stopped.
SPORTSCASTER 2: It looked like he got hurt in a trap block
by Jo Bob Priddy and O.W. Shaddock.
SPORTSCASTER 1: Well, Weeks had been beating those two all night long
and they finally got back at him on that play. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
And a big first down for North Dallas.
Jesus, Jo Bob, we hurt him bad, man.
Fuck him.
Fuck it.
Huddle up. Huddle up!
(GROANING)
All right, good job. Good job.
Let's tie it up and take it into overtime.
Can you get the outside linebacker, Phil?
All right, Delma, it's your chance to be a star, baby.
Let's go, baby. Red-lax-92.
First sound, all right? First sound.
Ready? ALL: Break!
SPORTSCASTER 2: This is the situation facing North Dallas,
they've got the ball, 18 yards away from a touchdown,
but they have only 24 seconds left in the game.
They have to score if they're going to tie
this championship contest up and send it into overtime.
SPORTSCASTER 1: Maxwell sends Huddle and Elliott to the left side
so they overload Chicago's defensive right side. SETH: Hut!
On 1st and 10.
Back to pass, Maxwell. The lane is Huddle.
And the pass is to Huddle on the sidelines.
However, there's a flag down, Huddle is hurt.
Oh, what a hit by Francis Chapman from the secondary!
Let's check the penalty marker.
The preliminary indication from the official is
offensive holding against the Bulls.
So instead of a gain for a huddle,
it will be a 10-yard penalty against North Dallas,
and the play is erased.
God damn it. Look at his face.
Fix his face!
Elliott!
Get up, Delma!
Get back in the huddle!
The doctor will look after him!
(DELMA GROANING)
You get back in that huddle now
or off the field!
(GROANING)
SPORTSCASTER 1: Let's take a second look at that play.
SPORTSCASTER 2: You can see this play was well set up
as Huddle takes a little step back from the line of scrimmage
and takes a swing pass from Maxwell.
He is wide open when he starts downfield.
But then he grabs his leg, obviously in pain,
and Francis Chapman comes up and lays a massive blow on him.
There is no way that Huddle
is going to make it back in this contest.
Man, you ought to see Delma's face. Not now, poot.
All right, God damn it, let's get mean.
Let's stick it up their ass.
All right, two plays, back to back. No huddle.
Red-right-76,
come back with red-right-79.
Phil.
You throw it, partner, I'll catch it.
SETH: Both plays on 2.
Ready... ALL: Break!
SPORTSCASTER 2: The Bulls are now in worse shape than they were before, Ross.
They have got only 16 seconds left,
but they are 28 yards away from the score.
SPORTSCASTER 1: 1st and 20, as Maxwell sets them up.
The clock does not start until the snap is made.
Elliott is in motion to the right.
Maxwell's back to pass.
He's going to Elliott.
It's complete at the 15-yard line.
But the clock is running.
It was a good catch by Elliott, but he didn't get out of bounds.
So they've got to hurry if they are going to get a playoff
and get another chance to score before this game is over.
Five, four, three, two, one.
They got the play off.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(CHEERING)
Yeah! Yeah!
Great catch!
Goddamn!
All right.
Good pass, man.
You're my ace in the hole. Good pass. Yeah.
SPORTSCASTER 1: North Dallas has a chance to tie it.
And Prejza, the outstanding kicker in the league, is in there.
SPORTSCASTER 2: North Dallas couldn't have the ball
in any better hands in this case... Or I guess you should say
in any better feet than Prejza,
because he has kicked 43 straight extra points.
That's a new North Dallas record,
and they're calling him "Mr. Automatic."
SPORTSCASTER 1: Campos will snap it back.
Art Hartman will put it down. The snap.
The ball gets away from Hartman. It's on the ground.
Chicago recovers. The game is over.
The Chicago Marauders have held off
the North Dallas Rally who win 14-13, and what a finish.
SPORTSCASTER 2: It looked like that snap was right on the money.
Hartman just couldn't control it, as it bounced around off his finger tips
and what a shame for North Dallas
after making such a dramatic comeback
in the last few seconds to move within one point.
SPORTSCASTER 1: An agonizing defeat for North Dallas.
They thought they had the ball game tied.
They felt the overtime was upcoming.
But it was not to be and the Chicago Marauders
have won the championship by 1 point.
Listen, Phil, you hold that arm steady tonight.
Hey, uh, how's Delma?
He needs surgery.
Hey, Elliott.
You looked pretty good out there tonight.
You played good.
I wish we could say the same thing for you, Jo Bob.
You should've studied Weeks' tendencies.
I thought I did, coach.
You don't listen.
We would've won if we'd studied those tendencies.
Aw, shit! You never give us anything
to bring in the game except your fucking facts and tendencies!
To you, it's just a business.
But to us, it's still got to be a sport.
You're supposed to be a professional. You go out there...
Oh, shit! We work harder than anybody to win.
But, man, when we're dead tired in the fourth quarter,
winning's got to mean more than just money.
You were hired to do a job! Job?
Job? I don't want no fucking job!
I wanna play football, you asshole!
I want some feelings!
I want some fucking team spirit!
This ain't no high school. You don't have to love each other to play.
That's just what I mean, you bastard.
Every time I call it a game,
you call it a business,
and every time I call it business,
you call it a game.
You and B.A. And all the rest of you coaches
are chickenshit cocksuckers.
No feeling for the game at all, man.
You'll win, but it'll just be numbers on a scoreboard.
Numbers, that's all you care about.
Fuck, man, that's not enough for me.
I don't have to listen... Oh, yes, you fucking do!
You got to listen to me for once!
All you coaches are chickenshit cocksuckers!
You're all chickenshit cocksuckers!
God damn you!
Far out.
(GROANS)
Hey, Del, how you doing?
Hey, come on, man. You'll be back.
(SOBBING) Come on. Hey, Del.
Come on. You're gonna be back.
Come on, huh?
Fuck.
Come on.
Whoa.
Good boy.
Hi.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Just slightly damaged. (CHUCKLING)
Look, I'm... I'm sorry about the other night.
I had no right, no right at all.
You had a right.
You see the game? Yeah.
See the catch I made?
Yeah. It was terrific.
I'm sorry you lost.
I thought I was gonna start that game.
Hell, I even shot up my knee,
but they weren't gonna let me start.
They were just using me so they could get another ball player
to deaden his leg.
God, that's awful.
Yeah. Well, that's the way it is.
But what's important is my performing.
The moment of the catch, that feeling, that high.
Hell, I can take the crap.
I can take the manipulation.
I can take the pain.
As long as I get that chance every Sunday.
I think that this game is twisting your mind.
The game's not twisting my mind, Charlotte.
I know the game.
It's the rules they make up.
I'm gonna play,
so I'm going by their rules.
You can't separate one from the other.
Yeah, but I can't buck their system. I can't fight them
any more than you can drop out.
Well, if you've made up your mind,
why did you come to me?
'Cause I care about you.
And I want to see you again.
I've got a meeting with Conrad Hunter.
Hell, I can't let him see
that the merchandise is damaged. (CHUCKLES)
Here. Let me help you. Yeah.
You know, when you think about it,
they're not worse than anybody else, really.
(GRUNTS)
Come in, Phil. Come on in.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hello, B.A.
Sit there, Phil boy.
All right, Ray.
Mr. Elliott, where were you last Monday
until approximately 8:00 a.m. Tuesday?
Uh, who wants to know that?
I'm Ray March. I'm with the league's
internal investigations division.
On Tuesday of last week, where were you?
Uh...
Now that, um...
I don't know. You know that.
Why don't you tell me where I was, huh?
No, no. No, wait a minute.
Let me, uh... Let me give you a little hint.
That wise-ass attitude of yours
isn't going to get you out of this one.
Do you understand that?
I think you'd best answer, Phil, boy.
All right.
Ruth, would, um...
Would you send in Mr. Rindquist, please?
Go ahead, Mr. Rindquist.
I am Joseph Rindquist,
and I am a vice-officer with the Dallas police.
Off-duty, I work for Mr. Ray March
investigating reports of league misconduct.
One week ago, I was instructed to take up the surveillance
of Phillip Elliott,
an employee of the Dallas franchise.
I followed the suspect from then until he
boarded a plane this last weekend bound for Chicago.
And all this time I thought I was just paranoid.
JOSEPH: "On Monday of this week,
"at a party in a private North Dallas residence,
"the suspect was observed near the swimming pool
"in the company of an unidentified Caucasian adult male."
What do you mean, "an unidentified white Caucasian male,"
for Christ sake? Didn't you recognize him?
I mean, who was it that was with me?
Didn't you recognize him, huh?
Some investigator.
Continue, Mr. Rindquist.
"At this time,
"the suspect was photographed
"smoking a marijuana cigarette."
Photo exhibit "F."
"Now, picking up the suspect again on Tuesday,
"I followed him from these offices
"to 2612 Houston Drive,
"where he remained until morning.
"This address is the residence
"of a woman named Joanne Rodney..." Mr. Rindquist.
We don't need to bring others into this mess.
Continue.
"A search of the suspect's premises was effected,
"uncovering a bag of marijuana...
"And assorted pills."
You got this from Mr. Elliott's house?
Yes, sir.
Illegal drugs are forbidden by the league rules, Phil.
You know that.
Oh, for Christ sake, Conrad. Jesus. Smoking grass? Are you kidding me?
If you nailed all the ballplayers
that smoke grass, you wouldn't even be able to fill
a punt return team. Besides that,
you give me harder stuff in Chicago
just to get out of the goddamn locker room.
Hard drugs. What's...
Continue.
Uh, photo exhibit "H" shows Mr. Elliott
in the company of a woman named Charlotte Calder
as they're coming out of a country and western...
Jesus Christ!
You sleazy... Sit down, God damn it!
Sit in that goddamn chair! You bastard!
What the hell do you think you're doing here?
Damn it!
Who the hell you think you are anyway?
We treated you pretty well.
We paid you damn well!
If you don't think so, try to earn that much out there.
You're in for a big surprise, my friend.
'Cause I don't give a rat's ass who you were.
I'll take care of this!
We don't need this guy. You're nothing but a two-bit football player.
Calm down!
Let him talk.
You got anything to say, Phil?
Nah.
Are you part of this, B.A.?
Phil, you have the best hands in football.
But there's a lot more to this business than ability.
No, no, no, B.A., you're wrong.
You're wrong, because it is ability.
It is what I can do with these hands,
and that's why I play the game.
It's dedication. It's discipline.
It's sacrifice.
You can't take all the time.
You have to give something back to the game.
Oh, for Christ sake, B.A.
My nose is busted. I can't even breathe through it.
I can hardly stand up.
You know, I haven't slept more than three hours
at a stretch in two years.
Now, isn't that giving something back?
Oh, for Christ sake, B.A.,
there's pieces of me scattered from here to Pittsburgh
on these football fields.
Now, isn't that giving something back to the game?
Isn't it?
B.A.
How can you take this away from me?
How can you do this?
Okay, Phil.
Only now I speak for myself.
And it's your childish attitude.
You hurt the team.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Team?
Oh, Christ's sake, B.A., we're not the team!
They're the team!
These guys right here, B.A., they're the team.
We're the equipment!
We're the jock straps, the helmets.
And they just depreciate us
and take us off the goddamn tax returns!
That's what that is.
Yeah. Well...
But I was good when I played.
Because the only thing that's real in that game,
is me.
And that's enough.
Well, I feel for you, Phil,
but you confused luck and brain. (SCOFFS)
You betrayed me. You betrayed my family. I tried to warn you.
You violated the morals clause of your contract.
It's that simple, so,
pending a league hearing,
you're hereby suspended without pay.
Yeah?
Is that what it is, Emmett?
Is that what this whole charade has been about,
so you don't have to pay my contract?
Well, hell, I don't need your money that bad.
I quit!
You are right, B.A.
Thank you.
It's time to put away childish things.
Things get ugly up there?
Pretty ugly.
My name come up?
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
There's no reason to bring you into this.
They suspend you? (SCOFFS)
I quit.
I can't take it. They want too much.
Too much ain't enough.
Not for them.
What you gonna do?
I don't know.
I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna get in bed with Charlotte.
I'm gonna spend a week with her. I'm gonna heal up.
I'm gonna spend time with her and ease up.
Take it easy.
Hoss.
Hmm?
I appreciate you keeping my name out of it.
Uh, no sweat.
You knew about it.
You know everything, don't you, Max?
That I do, poot.
That I do.
Hey, poot.
Yeah?
Got any of them old pain killers?
You keep 'em, cowboy. You're gonna need 'em.
(GRUNTS)
Hey, Seth.
We really had 'em worried in Chicago though, didn't we?
Best catch I ever seen, poot.
Not a bad pass, either.
Good luck on Sunday.
Hey, poot. Yeah?